Today is the end. D-day is tomorrow. I think I can hear the executioner's drum. Dum, dum, d-d-d-dum. Dum, dum, d-d-d-dum. I can't hide from him any longer.
OK-I may be exaggerating. But it still feels like this. Tomorrow I go back to work. I will be leaving Nolan with a babysitter for the first time. He has only ever been left with family, and only for a couple of hours. The longest I left him was 4 hours. It will be almost 9 hours tomorrow, and then everyday until June. Can you tell that I am struggling with this?
There are so many positive things I keep thinking. I really am SOOOOO fortunate. I have a GREAT job with good, supportive friends that have very young children they don't want to leave, either. My schedule is not too demanding, and I will have plenty of energy to come home and be with Nolan. I have a total of 43 days left as a teacher. That is less than 9 weeks. And then I am completely done. I don't have to go back in the fall. I couldn't be luckier! Some women have to leave 6-week-old babies, and not have an end in sight. Nolan's babysitter is a good friend who has 3 children of her own. She is so kind, patient, and easy going. Nolan will be so well taken care of. He is young enough that he won't even realize that I am gone as long as his tummy is full, his diaper is clean, and he gets a good nap. He will probably have a blast watching the other 3 children. I know he is going to be fine.
With all those great things, I still can't help feeling overwhelmed. My emotions are going crazy! I think I might be having some separation anxiety. Mentally, I know everything will be just fine. I just can't get that through my heart.
Let the countdown begin! It will go by so quick, and I will better appreciate my time home with Nolan after I am finished. I am going to go cuddle my sweetheart and enjoy every moment I have.